The Last Christmas

In September of 2007 Mom had died. My dad started every day saying, “I sure miss the ‘ole gal.”  It broke my heart, but no matter how much time we spent together his heart was still broken.  I knew Christmas would be very hard for him.  I thought having everyone home would make it easier, so I planned for the best Christmas I could arrange.  

Inviting our daughter Erin and her husband to come from Arizona, I knew it was along shot.  Her husband did not like our family.  In the three years since they had married they had avoided us as much as possible. So as I extended the invitation, I explained to her how important it would be to “Papa” for her to be here.  Without any hesitation

she said, “This is our first Christmas in our house and Adam wants to spend it here, in fact I have already invited Dad."   Austin will be with you and Papa that will be enough.”  Again I tried to explain, she abruptly cut me off, “Adam does not like coming to your house.”

That was that.  Jim got reservations to go to Tucson for Christmas.  I told my dad and he just sort of smiled, like he knew something I did not.  He said it was fine.  I decided I would still do Christmas just as if everyone was going to be here. 

On Christmas Eve, Dad and I spent the evening at Dad’s watching our family favorite movie, “White Christmas” from 1954 with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye.  We had homemade soup and bread. Dad seemed happy singing along with all the songs.  By the time the movie was over he was tired and ready to go to bed.  I asked if he would like for me to spend the night at his house, he said no, Austin would be in from work in a bit  He said he was fine there and inquired about what time should they come for Christmas in the morning.  I told him 10 am, that way I could finish my final preparations for dinner and visit with him as well.

Christmas morning Austin and Dad arrived around 10 am.  I suggested that we open presents.  Dad said, ‘Wait.  Should we wait for everyone?”  Thinking he had forgotten that Jim and Erin were in Tucson, I started to explain again.  He snapped at me, “I know what you said!” 

  

We ate Christmas dinner at noon. I had all the Christmas trimmings that he was used to having.  I set the table with china and crystal to make things as much like what Mom would have done as possible.He ate a little of everything but with just me, him and Austin it wasn’t the same.  

After eating, Dad wanted to sit in the living room and look out the window.  He could see well enough to tell that cars were going by but not who they were.  Every few minutes he would call me and ask if a car had pulled up in front.  Some how he had gotten it in his mind that Jim was going to show up with Erin to surprise him for Christmas.  I told him that was not going to happen, Jim had gone to Tucson for Christmas at her house, but he just didn’t believe me.   After a couple of hours Austin left to be with some of his friends.

With just the two of us there, I tried to distract his thoughts with dominoes, TV and 40s music but he just kept staring out the window.  Finally around 5 pm he said, “Well Sugar I guess you can take me home, I think you’re right, they didn’t plan on coming after all. He paused thoughtfully, his voice softened, "It almost seems like Erin doens't care about us anymore?  I put my hands on his cheeks, directing his face to mine,

“I don’t know Daddy, I really just don’t know.  I hope she does.”  I looked  into his big brown eyes now almost blinded by old age.  He leaned to the side to pull his handkerchief out of his pocket, took off his glasses and wiped his eyes.

Silently I drove him home.  “I tried my best to make this a nice Christmas, but it still was missing that one thing we needed....Mom.”  He nodded his head..still silent.
 I had planned to stay with him but he told me to go on because he was going to go to bed anyway. As I helped him get into bed, he said, “It’s sure not the same without the ‘Ole Gal.”  Sadly I agreed. We both wiped tears away.  I didn’t know it but that would be Dad’s last Christmas...he died two months later, a day after my mother’s birthday.

We were so blessed to have all those wonderful Christmas’s with Gran, Papa, Erin, Austin and Jim for all those years.  They were the most wonderful and memorable we could have ever hoped for.  Putting the toys together,  laying stocking on the ends of beds, making sure the kids still didn’t have one eye open, then getting in bed, being so excited and afraid the children would wake up early, us missing all the fun.  We got spoiled, it always seemed the holidays would be big family events. Life goes on, time changes, people change and traditions change as well…..there are always the memories.